"..and I'll pull your crooked teeth...you'll be perfect just like me." ....Smashing Pumpkins
Monday, September 7, 2009
Obsession sprinkled with OCD and spiked with paranoia
I have many obsessions, it has always been this way. I obsesses and fuss and fidget over small things, big things and everything in between. I am on the verge of having OCD, and maybe I do have OCD with certain things. I don't wash my hands all the time or anything, it might get to that point. I am a perfectionist in many areas. I think about numbers, I am happy when numbers are all even or all odd. Certain phrases or words stick in my head for months. Conversations I've had with people can repeat in my head for years. So, now you know I am little crazy I will tell you my one obsession that has never wavered, my teeth. Yes, I am obsessed with my teeth, and other people's teeth. It is the first I notice about people and it is the thing that have spent the most money on, by far. I never miss a dentist appointment, I floss and brush throughout the day, I've had a few consultations with orthodontists, I've had a few bleaching trays made, I've tried every over the counter bleaching product out there, I've had Invisilign braces, I've had my teeth filed down, I wear retainers on a regular basis, I have my own dentist kit so I can scrape my teeth whenever I feel the need. And, I'm still not happy...how frustrating. I have spent my life been very conscience of my teeth, I changed the way I smiled because I didn't want people to see the one tooth that wasn't exactly were it should be. Wow, when will I ever be happy? Maybe I will never be satisfied. When I notice people with crooked teeth and they smile and laugh and they seem as though they could care less about their teeth being perfect, I wonder, why don't they care like me? I know I have problem, and I am trying not to bleach them as much and talk about my "crooked" teeth. I have other obsessions with the my physical appearance, but let's not get my started on that.