Some poems

I write poems and and blog posts that just sit here in my drafts. So, I decided to post a few. On the last one I used a template, you just fill in the words you want and it gives you a format. I did that on one of my earlier poems I posted. I really don't know what I am doing as far as poetry goes....so, anyway, here you go. :)

Blue Embers

The coldness of the grave gives me solace after the fire goes out

The presence of your ghost surrounds me

Unchanging austere glances burn my heart to the ground

Falling onto the white steps, blood begins to drip on my neck

Petals tumble on my soul to disguise the distress

My mask becomes too thin to believe the revelations

Devils dwell in my essence, taking me to an obscure misery

My unredeemed body lays still

Dreams of Sand

Reality is hard to bear when it comes at you in a storm......

Dreaming and believing you are the only one to live in a heart.......

Transparent to the world, not knowing what is real or fantasy.....

The door shut me in, I can see the words of truth floating behind me.....

The winds force the sting of defeat in my face, knocking me to the ground.....

I believed it was me, I believed it was you....

I didn't know I was living in dreams of sand.....

All I Want

All I want is someone to understand
Someone to love

All I want is someone to understand
Someone to care
Someone to be there

All I want is someone to understand
Someone to shoot me to the stars
Someone to hold my heart
Someone to save me from falling

All I want is someone to understand
Someone to hold me near
Someone to share my dreams
Someone to bleed
Someone to feel

All I want is you

Razor-blade Cloud

The soft and gentle comfort of a cloud, but it will cut you when you fall through....

Perfect, inviting, lovely, it will tear you apart when you realize what is inside....

False sense of knowing, feeling lost when you can't see through the glare....

The danger is close, not believing in what is hidden....

Bleeding and pain sears your heart and soul...

Searching for Heaven, but instead finding the edge of deceit...

I am the only one that lives and loves in razor-blade clouds.

Blood Moon

When it comes time to confess, will it matter?

The blood moon will shine bright in our realization

My words will be forgotten, my face will be forgotten

Ending up alone, standing before the final days

Shadows will be the only thing to comfort me

When it comes time to bleed, will it matter?

The blood moon will darken the world's consciousness

My love will be forgotten, my soul will be forgotten

One woman of many, judged the same

Isolation will be the only thing to hold me

When it comes time to remember, will it matter?

The blood moon will consume our hearts to make us forget

And it won't matter at all.

Stand Inside Your Love

Many people have asked me why I am such a big Pumpkin fan. By Pumpkin I mean Smashing Pumpkins, of course. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I talk about them a lot. So, I thought I would write a post and try to explain why I love them so much, and by them I mean Billy Corgan and friends, whoever he may be surrounded by, because it changes, and that's ok. I was a teen of the 90's. I was trying to define myself during the grunge/alternative music era and so that particular music speaks to me like no other can. The first song that sparked my love for SP was Today and back then we actually watched videos on MTV, remember that? I mean, what a classic, awesome, weird video that I could relate with. Today ended up being my wedding song as well. Smashing Pumpkins have always been sort of the misfits in the music world, and so that is why I have felt like I could relate to them so well. Despite what people think, (no I was not a cheerleader) I have never felt like I have fit in with one particular group. But, with SP music/Billy's music, and all the love and philosophy behind it all makes sense to me and I feel like I belong somewhere.

The music connects to me, it makes me feel like everything will be ok, it helps me recognize myself when I'm feeling really lost. I feel the beauty and pain in the words. It makes me feel alive. Every time I hear Billy sing I feel strong spiritual connection to him. It's really hard for me to put into words, but it's an amazing feeling, especially when I see him live. Maybe that sounds weird to some of you, but I know other pumpkin fans know what I am talking about, and it's like..ah you too, we understand each other. I appreciate and respect every song, because it is written from his heart and soul and it is real. I grew up with a huge musical influence. My Mom has been a piano/organ teacher my whole life and we always had music in my house. She is a big Beatles fan so I grew up listening to them and I have always had a great appreciation for music. For good music. I love other music, and will have other favorites, but SP will always #1 in my heart. So, I hope this explains a little bit why I post things all the time, or I talk about SP on my videos. I am extremely grateful that Billy has continued to make music, and I look forward to the new songs coming up in Teargarden by Kaleidoscope and other future projects. Love you Billy, love you all the friends of Billy, love you fellow pumpkinheads!

My Favorite Album : Adore

Some of my favorite videos : Today, 1979, Zero, Ava Adore, Everlasting Gaze, Stand Inside Your Love, That's the Way (my love is)

One of my favorite poems from Blinking With Fists :

Courage

There is of course the courage of the single flower

Pushing its form thru concrete

If only to be trampled into dust

What is worth speaking

If seeking is death?

Does meaning become

Meaningless

Summoning up the voice

To do the will of the soul

To explore the far reaches of my wonder

I make the choice to speak

Is it so simple

That it's easy to overlook

That living is poetry

And poetry has nothing less

~Billy Corgan

Me and Billy, Vegas 2008

Forbidden Beauty

Can the eye of the beholder see past what the tempest has lost?

Beauty can only be found in the heart.

Waves of the sea can flutter the fallacies of man,

It will not make you pure to the ugly truth of the world.

What do you see when you look at me?

Love holds uncertainty in the hands of the unconcerned,

Tomorrow, love can carry me high to the dreams of my soul.

Reaching beyond the webs and through the obstacles that stand.

Exposing myself, you will recognize me and never let doubt seize us.

Forbidden beauty comes near and fades into the mist of desire.

Darkness holds me, you teach me light, you bring me love that bleeds in my spirit.

There will be time to shade my translucent skin, fall into me.

My unofficial official review of Alice

Finally! My post about Alice in Wonderland. I know all of you have been patiently waiting for me to write something and you just can't wait any longer. (I am being sarcastic, just to let you know.) I have now seen the movie 3 times! That is a lot of times, but I really loved it and so I wanted to see it as much as possible before it leaves the theaters. Opening night I saw it in 3-D and the other two times I did not and thought it was still beautiful visually. I love Tim Burton films because I feel like he brings things that would be in my imagination to life, or at least someone else's imagination to life, but it makes sense to me. I really enjoyed his interpretation of the story, which was is mix between the original Alice and Through the Looking Glass with his twist to it, of course.

I think the animation was amazing. I think they made Wonderland look like the coolest place ever, I would live there if it was a real place. I am not kidding. Seeing it for the third time, I could really pick out a lot of the extra details that they put into it to make everything fit together and be consistent. But, I also picked out some mistakes that they missed, but that's just me being difficult and picky. I liked the cast for the most part. I have heard that a lot of people didn't like the the choice for Alice, but I thought she did well. I did not like Anne Hathaway as the White Queen. I think they could have cast that part a little bit better. For some reason, she wasn't very believable to me. The choice for Alan Rickman as Absolem the caterpillar wasn't my favorite either, it was his voice that I couldn't get over, I kept waiting for him to say "Harry Potter!" The caterpillar has some great lines in the movie, so I guess it I can let it slide. I love, love, loved Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter and Helen Bonham Carter as the Red Queen, I normally love them as actors anyway, but their characters really made the movie. Oh, and let's talk about Crispin Glover, he was the character Ilosovic Stayne, the Knave of Hearts, he was weird and creepy and made me laugh, and why hasn't he aged? He looks the same as he did in Back to the Future. There are some other great minor characters that are a fun to watch.

The music! The music was fantastic. I love Danny Elfman! Alice's Theme is amazing! I bought the soundtrack (Almost Alice) when it came out and I like a lot of the songs, even thought they are not included in the movie except for Avril Lavigne's song "Alice" during the credits. Some of my very favorites are "Tea Party" by Kerli, "Her Name is Alice" by Shinedown, "The Poison" by All-American Rejects and "Follow Me Down" by 3OH!3. The costumes were so cool, I loved Alice's dresses while she was in Wonderland, I would actually wear those outfits if I could! Example:

I think what I love most about all this Alice excitement is that is somehow brings me back to my childhood. I used to love to pretend that I was Alice trying to find my way through Wonderland and my bathroom mirror was the looking glass. I love being Alice. I was named after my Grandmas that are both named Alice. I still fall down rabbit holes on a regular basis, and I am normally lost looking for a way out of the life that has confined me. I have started reading the original story and Through the Looking Glass again, they are so much fun. My favorite line from the movie "You're mad, bonkers, off your head. But let me tell you a secret: All the best people are." This line makes me feel much better about myself. :) So, with all this said, I recommend going to see Alice in Wonderland! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

In the Arms of Death

Death is not coming, it's presently here

It has my possession

I will reap your soul with my touch

Walk beside me as you leave this world

No coldness or light will be

I will collect you, no evasion

You feel me in familiarity

Comfort in your quintessence

All names are to be written

Time will perish into dust

Living among you, waiting for Heaven

Don't fear me, adore me with your blight

Rest your harmony below the canvas

Love exists here, collapsing in enchantment

Loneliness ceases to hold you

I will not leave you, until you leave me

Happiness is subsequent, in the arms of death.