Bedazzled Butterfly

The Witch of Discontent

2011-11-01T00:22:00.001-07:00

Artwork by Aunia Kahn

Existing in the dark to ensnare your trance

I can cure your madness with my spells

Evil envelopes me as I hunt for my power

Lost in the reflection of past sentiments

I know the desolation of my heart, no feelings remain

Hopelessly fallen, destined to remain with demons

Desiring release from the bondage of my suffering

Destroying dragons that possess supremacy

Abolishing fairies that hold the keys to tranquillity

Blood drips with indiscretion

My magic can not release me from my guilt

My beauty does not make me immune to torment

My fever burns with loneliness

The witch of discontent.

My poem was featured in @ForeverNocturne 's October issue. Check them out here!

Secrets of My Silence

2011-09-21T22:39:00.013-07:00

Artwork by Aunia Kahn

If you have noticed, (and maybe you haven't) there have been no posts on this blog for a long time. I have a bunch of drafts of poems and stories just sitting there, I feel sort of stuck as far as my creativity goes. I really hope my silent streak will end soon! I need to sit down and focus on writing something that makes sense, this might be a challenge for me. :D I think this picture is perfect for how I feel as far as my voice goes, and also it matches the poem below. I saw this posted on Facebook and I stuck with me. We have all have secrets and reasons for them. So until I post my own writing, enjoy this.... :)

The Secret Is Out

At last the secret is out, as it always must come in the end,

The delicious story is ripe to tell to the intimate friend;
Over the tea-cups and in the square the tongue has its desire;
Still waters run deep, my dear, there’s never smoke without fire.
Behind the corpse in the reservoir, behind the ghost on the links,
Behind the lady who dances and the man who madly drinks,
Under the look of fatigue, the attack of migraine and the sigh
There is always another story, there is more than meets the eye.
For the clear voice suddenly singing, high up on the cement wall,
The scent of the elder bushes, the sporting prints in the hall,
The croquet matches in summer, the handshake, the cough, the kiss,
There is always a wicked secret, a private reason for this.

~ W.H. Auden

Malakh a novella by Sharon Gerlach

2011-04-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

I'm very excited and honored to be featuring my good friend Sharon Gerlach on my blog for her blog tour! Her novella is a fascinating story that I hope everyone takes the time to read! Sharon explains the background and about how her story came to life:

AN ANGEL IS BORN …

An angelic serial killer. That's the subject of my novella Malakh, released on April 8th by Running Ink Press. The word "angelic" has morphed over the ages and has come to mean, to most people, sweet and kindly, selfless, Godly.

My angels are dark. Even the good ones make mistakes.

When I decided to write this story in the urban fantasy genre, I wanted to be sure it was something a bit off the beaten path. No vampires. No werewolves. No half-breeds. No government-related antagonist. No superhuman, butt-kicking heroine in law enforcement. Instead, my heroine was to be flawed. She has been selfish, deceitful, and unfaithful. She has betrayed the two most important people in her life. And so Suzanne Harper was born, a flawed bank executive who is merely human.

I didn't want this to be a love story, so I removed both love interests from her present life and put them into the background. And the antagonist…oh, what to do about that? What could possibly inspire a woman to behave in such a manner?

I had a quirky kind of Baptist/Mormon/unchurched upbringing. By the time I was 11, we'd stopped attending any church except on the rare occasion I went to mass with a Catholic friend. But one thing remained constant despite the absence of Sunday reinforcement: my belief in God, His Son, and in scripture. I believe in the rebellion of the angels, believe in the power of both sides to speak into and influence our hearts.

Angels…those messengers of God, guardians of His human creations…and rebels against God's sovereignty, determined to bring about the destruction of the human race. Oh yes, the latter would make the perfect supernatural antagonists! I started a broad internet search to gather information about angels, and one scripture reference caught my attention and wouldn't let go. Genesis 6:2 – "The Sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose."

I delved deeper into the Bible to keep my angels as true as possible in a work of fiction. Colossians tells us that angels are spirits, and don't have to be visible to humankind. Genesis 18 and 19 describe how angels usually appear as human, and generally appear as male rather than female. The angel who rolled back the stone from Christ's tomb after his crucifixion appeared to be made of light. Daniel describes an angel made of metal and precious stones. Isaiah describes some angels with wings. Other passages throughout the Old and New Testaments describe them as stronger than men but not invincible; knowledgeable but not all-knowing, and not omnipresent. Scripture also speaks of different classes of angels, who perform different duties (the mal'akhim, for instance, are messengers of God; mal'akh is also the word for angel in general in Aramaic, Arabic, Ethiopic, and modern Hebrew).

These references gave me everything I needed: physical descriptions; abilities and purposes; a precedent for forbidden relations between angels and humans, and a reason for a messenger to be dispatched from God.

I marvel at the unseen world around us, at beings that can interact with us, influence our decisions and behavior, visible only when it suits their purpose. I've always rather simplistically thought of them as angels and demons—the good angels and the bad angels. But what if even the good angels made bad decisions? Mind you, I don't place any scriptural truth to this notion, as scripture clearly states that an angel who sins will be cast into hell and reserved for judgment, but oh, what a great What If!

So that is how Malakh was born. What are your beliefs regarding angels and demons?

MALAKH can be purchased at Smashwords, Amazon, and Amazon UK.

Follow the amazing and talented Sharon Gerlach on Twitter at @SharonGerlach and read her blog here. Follow Running Ink Press at @RunningInkPress and check out their website here.

Sweet Delirium

2011-01-25T15:33:00.007-07:00

Fallen and jaded

Angel of sweet delirium

Reflected in your vision as beautiful

Soaring on the wings of passion, refusing to shatter into dust

Looking upward into the sky, your heaven

Pulling you from the nightmares

Dragging you from the ashes of death

Turn away from the blast of disaster, the wreckage

A lingering danger of broken bells

The wind changes the conception of your fantasy

Visions of where our hearts abide

Fairies of favor will bless our sentiments

My adoration, my love

Your affection, your rapture

My light will never change, never will I abandon your requisite

I will not fade away

My everlasting presence

The fair angel of sweet delirium.

Stormy Bloom

2010-12-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

The knife cuts into my mind

Maroon thoughts start to bleed blue

Faith is light, fragile, freely broken

Angels await to comfort our affections

Petals fall, the wind makes them fly

Bound to you by adoration

Torment lingers and creates the maze which we follow

Composing notes as we survive

The strength of our heart will clear the rain.

Entangled in Dusk

2010-07-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

Clouds roll in and the light cannot be seen

Caught in the fog, trapped in spider-webs

Everything you desire will be out of your reach

Impossible to escape from the snare

Losing yourself in the darkness

Souls you adored will turn into ghosts

Blinded by deceit and mirrors

Your dreams are lost in a labyrinth

Searching for truth deep within your spirit

What else can I do?

My passion cannot stop the storm from destroying your beauty

The blood from my heart cannot save you.

Sorrows of a Ghost (Douleurs d'un Fantôme)

2010-06-11T09:00:00.028-07:00

The other night I was talking to my friend about when I used to speak French. I really did used to speak it! I lived in Europe a long time ago. Anyway, I thought it would be fun to translate one of my poems into French. It's just a little poem I wrote last night. I think it's a beautiful language and I miss hearing it.

My destiny will be ghosts occupying my heart, taking fever from my soul

Abstract affection is what possesses me

Hurting, still bleeding

Fading into the midst of my imagination

My beautiful love for you, diminishing

I am always here, why can't you see me?

Pleading with the roses to take painful retrospection from my mind

Honesty cutting my heart into pieces, falling on the ground, turning into ashes.

Closing my eyes, I am invisible to you

Asking me for a dance, holding your hand

You let me go before I could embrace you

Mon destin sera fantômes occupent mon cœur, en prenant la fièvre de mon âme

Résumé affection est ce qui me possède

Mal, saignement encore

Fading au milieu de mon imagination
Mon bel amour pour vous, la diminution du
Je suis toujours ici, pourquoi ne pas me voir?
Plaidant avec les roses, à prendre la rétrospection douloureuse de mon esprit
Honnêteté coupe mon cœur en morceaux, en tombant sur le sol, se transformant en cendres.
En fermant les yeux, je suis invisible pour vous
me demander une danse, la tenue de votre main
Vous me laisser partir avant que je puisse vous embrasse

Some poems

2010-06-06T09:00:00.021-07:00

I write poems and and blog posts that just sit here in my drafts. So, I decided to post a few. On the last one I used a template, you just fill in the words you want and it gives you a format. I did that on one of my earlier poems I posted. I really don't know what I am doing as far as poetry goes....so, anyway, here you go. :)

Blue Embers

The coldness of the grave gives me solace after the fire goes out

The presence of your ghost surrounds me

Unchanging austere glances burn my heart to the ground

Falling onto the white steps, blood begins to drip on my neck

Petals tumble on my soul to disguise the distress

My mask becomes too thin to believe the revelations

Devils dwell in my essence, taking me to an obscure misery

My unredeemed body lays still

Dreams of Sand

Reality is hard to bear when it comes at you in a storm......

Dreaming and believing you are the only one to live in a heart.......

Transparent to the world, not knowing what is real or fantasy.....

The door shut me in, I can see the words of truth floating behind me.....

The winds force the sting of defeat in my face, knocking me to the ground.....

I believed it was me, I believed it was you....

I didn't know I was living in dreams of sand.....

All I Want

All I want is someone to understand
Someone to love

All I want is someone to understand
Someone to care
Someone to be there

All I want is someone to understand
Someone to shoot me to the stars
Someone to hold my heart
Someone to save me from falling

All I want is someone to understand
Someone to hold me near
Someone to share my dreams
Someone to bleed
Someone to feel

All I want is you

Razor-blade Cloud

2010-05-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

The soft and gentle comfort of a cloud, but it will cut you when you fall through....

Perfect, inviting, lovely, it will tear you apart when you realize what is inside....

False sense of knowing, feeling lost when you can't see through the glare....

The danger is close, not believing in what is hidden....

Bleeding and pain sears your heart and soul...

Searching for Heaven, but instead finding the edge of deceit...

I am the only one that lives and loves in razor-blade clouds.

Blood Moon

2010-05-04T19:25:00.005-07:00

When it comes time to confess, will it matter?

The blood moon will shine bright in our realization

My words will be forgotten, my face will be forgotten

Ending up alone, standing before the final days

Shadows will be the only thing to comfort me

When it comes time to bleed, will it matter?

The blood moon will darken the world's consciousness

My love will be forgotten, my soul will be forgotten

One woman of many, judged the same

Isolation will be the only thing to hold me

When it comes time to remember, will it matter?

The blood moon will consume our hearts to make us forget

And it won't matter at all.

Stand Inside Your Love

2010-05-02T12:19:00.028-07:00

Many people have asked me why I am such a big Pumpkin fan. By Pumpkin I mean Smashing Pumpkins, of course. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I talk about them a lot. So, I thought I would write a post and try to explain why I love them so much, and by them I mean Billy Corgan and friends, whoever he may be surrounded by, because it changes, and that's ok. I was a teen of the 90's. I was trying to define myself during the grunge/alternative music era and so that particular music speaks to me like no other can. The first song that sparked my love for SP was Today and back then we actually watched videos on MTV, remember that? I mean, what a classic, awesome, weird video that I could relate with. Today ended up being my wedding song as well. Smashing Pumpkins have always been sort of the misfits in the music world, and so that is why I have felt like I could relate to them so well. Despite what people think, (no I was not a cheerleader) I have never felt like I have fit in with one particular group. But, with SP music/Billy's music, and all the love and philosophy behind it all makes sense to me and I feel like I belong somewhere.

The music connects to me, it makes me feel like everything will be ok, it helps me recognize myself when I'm feeling really lost. I feel the beauty and pain in the words. It makes me feel alive. Every time I hear Billy sing I feel strong spiritual connection to him. It's really hard for me to put into words, but it's an amazing feeling, especially when I see him live. Maybe that sounds weird to some of you, but I know other pumpkin fans know what I am talking about, and it's like..ah you too, we understand each other. I appreciate and respect every song, because it is written from his heart and soul and it is real. I grew up with a huge musical influence. My Mom has been a piano/organ teacher my whole life and we always had music in my house. She is a big Beatles fan so I grew up listening to them and I have always had a great appreciation for music. For good music. I love other music, and will have other favorites, but SP will always #1 in my heart. So, I hope this explains a little bit why I post things all the time, or I talk about SP on my videos. I am extremely grateful that Billy has continued to make music, and I look forward to the new songs coming up in Teargarden by Kaleidoscope and other future projects. Love you Billy, love you all the friends of Billy, love you fellow pumpkinheads!

My Favorite Album : Adore

Some of my favorite videos : Today, 1979, Zero, Ava Adore, Everlasting Gaze, Stand Inside Your Love, That's the Way (my love is)

One of my favorite poems from Blinking With Fists :

Courage

There is of course the courage of the single flower

Pushing its form thru concrete

If only to be trampled into dust

What is worth speaking

If seeking is death?

Does meaning become

Meaningless

Summoning up the voice

To do the will of the soul

To explore the far reaches of my wonder

I make the choice to speak

Is it so simple

That it's easy to overlook

That living is poetry

And poetry has nothing less

~Billy Corgan

Me and Billy, Vegas 2008

Forbidden Beauty

2010-04-04T19:58:00.008-07:00

Can the eye of the beholder see past what the tempest has lost?

Beauty can only be found in the heart.

Waves of the sea can flutter the fallacies of man,

It will not make you pure to the ugly truth of the world.

What do you see when you look at me?

Love holds uncertainty in the hands of the unconcerned,

Tomorrow, love can carry me high to the dreams of my soul.

Reaching beyond the webs and through the obstacles that stand.

Exposing myself, you will recognize me and never let doubt seize us.

Forbidden beauty comes near and fades into the mist of desire.

Darkness holds me, you teach me light, you bring me love that bleeds in my spirit.

There will be time to shade my translucent skin, fall into me.

My unofficial official review of Alice

2010-03-27T22:56:00.012-07:00

Finally! My post about Alice in Wonderland. I know all of you have been patiently waiting for me to write something and you just can't wait any longer. (I am being sarcastic, just to let you know.) I have now seen the movie 3 times! That is a lot of times, but I really loved it and so I wanted to see it as much as possible before it leaves the theaters. Opening night I saw it in 3-D and the other two times I did not and thought it was still beautiful visually. I love Tim Burton films because I feel like he brings things that would be in my imagination to life, or at least someone else's imagination to life, but it makes sense to me. I really enjoyed his interpretation of the story, which was is mix between the original Alice and Through the Looking Glass with his twist to it, of course.

I think the animation was amazing. I think they made Wonderland look like the coolest place ever, I would live there if it was a real place. I am not kidding. Seeing it for the third time, I could really pick out a lot of the extra details that they put into it to make everything fit together and be consistent. But, I also picked out some mistakes that they missed, but that's just me being difficult and picky. I liked the cast for the most part. I have heard that a lot of people didn't like the the choice for Alice, but I thought she did well. I did not like Anne Hathaway as the White Queen. I think they could have cast that part a little bit better. For some reason, she wasn't very believable to me. The choice for Alan Rickman as Absolem the caterpillar wasn't my favorite either, it was his voice that I couldn't get over, I kept waiting for him to say "Harry Potter!" The caterpillar has some great lines in the movie, so I guess it I can let it slide. I love, love, loved Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter and Helen Bonham Carter as the Red Queen, I normally love them as actors anyway, but their characters really made the movie. Oh, and let's talk about Crispin Glover, he was the character Ilosovic Stayne, the Knave of Hearts, he was weird and creepy and made me laugh, and why hasn't he aged? He looks the same as he did in Back to the Future. There are some other great minor characters that are a fun to watch.

The music! The music was fantastic. I love Danny Elfman! Alice's Theme is amazing! I bought the soundtrack (Almost Alice) when it came out and I like a lot of the songs, even thought they are not included in the movie except for Avril Lavigne's song "Alice" during the credits. Some of my very favorites are "Tea Party" by Kerli, "Her Name is Alice" by Shinedown, "The Poison" by All-American Rejects and "Follow Me Down" by 3OH!3. The costumes were so cool, I loved Alice's dresses while she was in Wonderland, I would actually wear those outfits if I could! Example:

I think what I love most about all this Alice excitement is that is somehow brings me back to my childhood. I used to love to pretend that I was Alice trying to find my way through Wonderland and my bathroom mirror was the looking glass. I love being Alice. I was named after my Grandmas that are both named Alice. I still fall down rabbit holes on a regular basis, and I am normally lost looking for a way out of the life that has confined me. I have started reading the original story and Through the Looking Glass again, they are so much fun. My favorite line from the movie "You're mad, bonkers, off your head. But let me tell you a secret: All the best people are." This line makes me feel much better about myself. :) So, with all this said, I recommend going to see Alice in Wonderland! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

In the Arms of Death

2010-03-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

Death is not coming, it's presently here

It has my possession

I will reap your soul with my touch

Walk beside me as you leave this world

No coldness or light will be

I will collect you, no evasion

You feel me in familiarity

Comfort in your quintessence

All names are to be written

Time will perish into dust

Living among you, waiting for Heaven

Don't fear me, adore me with your blight

Rest your harmony below the canvas

Love exists here, collapsing in enchantment

Loneliness ceases to hold you

I will not leave you, until you leave me

Happiness is subsequent, in the arms of death.

Abnormally Introspective...almost

2010-03-12T09:06:00.005-07:00

I know I said my next post would be about Alice in Wonderland, and I promise I will be getting to that soon! But, I took another personality quiz. I know they are silly, I've said that before, but I keep on taking them! I really liked the results of this one, except for the intelligent classy lady part, that's a little much. :)

"You are one intense bitch. You are almost abnormally introspective but this is where your abundant creativity flows from. You love handsome, brilliant, creative genius types, but you pay the price when their egos and lustful ways cause them to betray you. You are a very intelligent, classy lady with a black streak and can be very emotional at times. You do have a bit of a morbid side but your words often lead you to be misunderstood as a dark figure but that is just how you protect your soft mushy insides."

Those who stand next to you

2010-03-03T11:03:00.006-07:00

It has been brought to my attention that I only blog sad and depressing things. I don't intentionally do this, it seems I usually only write when I am upset/sad/confused etc. It helps me figure things out in my brain, kind of, or maybe it's just because I think the words can be my sounding board. I am not a good writer and what I end up writing down is only part of what I really want to get across, or it is completely indecipherable. Look, I used a big word. I iz smart. I promise that my next post will be happier, it will be about Alice in Wonderland and that makes me happy, so don't fear.

Today has been a pretty bad day. It's only 11:00 am and I am ready for it to be over. I have that alone feeling. That feeling that everybody that you call your friend won't understand or will not be there for you. See, this is why I don't post things and I keep them to myself. Whiny me. I think friend is an interesting word. It means a lot of different things to people. Lately to me, it's been a hard concept to figure out. Many times in my life I have had all of the friends that were around me decide to not be my friend. And for some reason, I feel like I am on the verge of that again. Recently, I lost one of my best friends, I was there for her during her hard times and now that she is better, I'm not needed anymore. I am always number 3, 4, or 5 on people's lists, or I don't even make it on the list. And if there has to be choice between me and another person, the other person will always most likely beat me out. I don't put up much of fight, I don't yell for attention, I go quietly and step out the back. I understand that people are busy, I understand that things will always be more important than me. I feel like that I form connections with people that are more important to me than to them. Maybe I am just imagining great friends, when they don't really care that much about me to begin with, or maybe if they do care it's not to the extent I think they do. I create this false sense of security for myself and then always end up getting hurt. I know that sometimes you have someone in your life at a certain time, and they were not meant to be there forever, I understand that, I just feel afraid that no one will be able to stick with me 'til the end. Friends forever... "Saying forever is like counting your chips when you are still gambling..." I am very cautious now about who I let into my life because I usually end up getting burned. I've had a lot of hate spewed in my direction, it baffles me. I want to be able to trust in and rely on people, it's hard to do this all alone.

So, what is my point? What is my conclusion? I don't know. Poor sad pathetic little me. This is what I have been thinking about today. I want to thank those of you who have cared about me and who have listened to me, and if you are not there tomorrow, thank you for being here today.

Crimson Crystal

2010-02-27T10:24:00.007-07:00

Living in a piece of glass, I thought it would be easy, I thought it is what I wanted.......

I used to touch and breathe in life, I used to discover the lilies and willows.......

I can see you, I can hear you, why can't I be with you?......

The austere glass cuts me, I bleed, crimson crystal.....

I fall down in the wake of my fascination.......

I dream to break free, I dream to shatter beyond......

I feel you here.....

My heart weeps for the absence of you, my weakness......

I hear the voice that sounds like home......

Dark shadows will never unbound me......

Living in a piece of glass, I thought it would be easy, I thought it is what I wanted......

Bleeding, bleeding, bleeding....crimson crystal.

My Love Poem

2010-02-13T22:11:00.005-07:00

Trapped in box of steel,

no escape, no hope,

Turning around in my head,

nowhere to go,

Madness comes forth, beauty refrains,

Sadness is in our midst,

Youth is gone forever,

stuck in the clouds in the sky,

Kites can touch it but can't bring it down,

Stars cry and the moon bleeds,

Love is dying.

Melancholy couch

2010-01-06T08:36:00.004-07:00

I really like this photograph. Beautiful. And it seems to match my mood lately. That's all.

There is something about Charlie

2009-12-31T10:20:00.000-07:00

I named everything Charlie when I was a little girl. I had lots of goldfish, they always seem to die quickly (I had a knack for killing fish) all of them were named Charlie, well, with an occasional Oliver. I named inanimate objects Charlie, like my ball in my jacks set, yes I played jacks and yes I gave a little red ball a name, that is how old/weird I am. I even named my imaginary friend that I had in the 3rd grade Charlie. It is true, I had an imaginary friend, maybe that is a little more weird than playing jacks. Anyway, he came in the form of a ghost one night (maybe it was just a light shining in my room, but to be nice to my little child-self we will say it was a ghost) and he stayed with me for awhile until he decided to leave, he was the nicest imaginary friend/ghost a girl could have.
Charlie, my favorite name in the whole wide world. My grandpa Charles Oliver was the reason why. My grandpa was an example of what unconditional love feels like. A World War II veteran, an artist, a businessman. My grandpa wasn't the friendliest guy to just anyone, actually most people in the little town in Illinois where he grew up were not very fond of him. He spoke his mind to anyone that was willing to listen, and also to the people that weren't willing to listen. Even though he was very opinionated and didn't agree with everyone else, he thought everything I did was wonderful, just about perfect, that is why I was so special. Not very many people received his love and kindness. He played with me, he took me to really cool places, he let me be whoever I wanted to be. "Bless your heart little doll!" was my very favorite saying. Any time I hear "bless your heart" (which is not very often) I get very emotional, and by emotional I mean, I cry like a little baby. I think I need my heart blessed a lot. Today would have been my Grandpa's 90th birthday. He would always say to me "Doll, the whole world celebrates my birthday!" He passed away 4 years ago around Thanksgiving. I still search for Charlie. I still search for that acceptance and unconditional love. If for some reason I have another boy, I want his middle name to be Oliver. I would name him Oliver because I would never want him to have to live up to the expectation I have for the "Charlie" that exists in my mind or my memory. I think that would be hard to do. Grandpa, we are still celebrating your birthday, bless your heart.

To be Blue

2009-12-13T14:34:00.006-07:00

Normally I don't take many quizzes about my personality, I think they are silly and normally not close to me at all. I took one that was supposed to tell you what "color" you are and all the different traits related to it. This quiz was right on. I am BLUE. It sounds exactly like me. I read it and think, wow, I sound like an emotional, sensitive mess! Yep, it's true. They just left out the part about me being obsessive, insatiable, and moody. Although, you may have figured out those parts already. So here are my results:

Values:

Sensitivity

Harmony

Compassion

Joys:

Romance

Friendships

Affection

Strengths:

Nurturer

Sincere

Creativity

Needs:

Understanding

Love

Affection

Frustrations:

Lack of Romance

Disharmony

Time Limits

At work you have a strong desire to influence others so they may lead more significant lives. You often work in the arts, communication, education, and helping professions. You are adept at motivating and interacting with others.

In love you seek harmonious relationships. You are a true romantic and believe in perfect love that lasts forever. You bring drama, warmth, and empathy to relationships. You enjoy sysmbols of romance such as flowers, candlelight, and music and cherish the small gestures of love.

In childhood you were extremely imaginative and found it difficult to fit into the structure of school life. You reacted with great sensitivity to discordance or rejection and sought recognition. You responded to encouragement.

How Many Bands Have You Seen Live And Who Were They?

2009-11-24T19:54:00.004-07:00

1. The Smashing Pumpkins (x4)

2. U2 (x2)

3. Sarah McLachlan (x2)

4. Red Hot Chili Peppers

5. Depeche Mode

6. No Doubt (x2)

7. Weezer

8. Rage Against the Machine

9. Lisa Loeb

10. The Specials

11. The Skatalites

12. Soul Coughing

13. Clover

14. Everclear

15. Violent Femmes

16. Alien Ant Farm

17. Jawbreaker

18. The Church

19. Gin Blossoms

20. Howard Jones

21. Tears for Fears

22. The Bravery

23. The Presidents of the United States of America

24. Kings of Leon

25. Better Than Ezra

26. Moonbeams and Caterpillars

27. Our Lady Peace

28. K's Choice

29. Meredith Brooks

30. Paula Cole

31. Indigo Girls

32. Cowboy Junkies

33. Sherwood

34. The Replacements

35. Paramore

36. I met the Beastie Boys but didn't go to their show...long story.

37. Tons of more opening bands, little bar bands and music/art festival bands I can't think of at this time.

What is your list?

Thanks to my friend 1twistedmind for the great idea. :)

I Am

2009-11-14T15:32:00.007-07:00

I am nice and sweet
I wonder why
I hear voices
I see blinking lights
I want somebody to understand me
I am nice and sweet

I pretend to be pretty
I feel overwhelmed
I touch the stars
I worry about the world
I cry because I can't see
I am nice and sweet

I understand God
I love my children
I dream about spiderwebs
I try to be happy
I hope to be successful
I am nice and sweet

The Other Side of a Mirror

2009-10-31T12:33:00.006-07:00

I haven't updated my blog for a long time because everything I have started I haven't been able to finish. I am in a creative rut. I haven't taking pictures, I haven't been reading books, everything has been put on hold. I am trying to decide what direction I am going in..."read the directions directly you will be directed in the right direction." I was reading some poetry online and I came across this poem from Mary Elizabeth Coleridge. The Other Side of a Mirror. Maybe why I a little lost is because I am spending too much time on the other side of a mirror, and for some strange reason I like it there. It's a beautiful poem, I hope you enjoy it.

I sat before my glass one day,

And conjured up a vision bare,

Unlike the aspects glad and gay,

That erst were found reflected there -

The vision of a woman, wild

With more than womanly despair.

Her hair stood back on either side

A face bereft of loveliness.

It had no envy now to hide

What once no man on earth could guess.

It formed the thorny aureole

Of hard, unsanctified distress.

Her lips were open - not a sound

Came though the parted lines of red,

Whate'er it was, the hideous wound

In silence and secret bled.

No sigh relieved her speechless woe,

She had no voice to speak her dread.

And in her lurid eyes there shone

The dying flame of life's desire,

Made mad because its hope was gone,

And kindled at the leaping fire

Of jealousy and fierce revenge,

And strength that could not change nor tire.

Shade of a shadow in the glass,

O set the crystal surface free!

Pass - as the fairer visions pass -

Nor ever more return, to be

The ghost of a distracted hour,

That heard me whisper: - 'I am she!'

Perspective

2009-09-19T15:02:00.007-07:00

I don't understand perspective. Well, at least that is what I have been told by a professor when I was in my first year of the art program at the University of Utah. He pulled me aside and asked if I could meet him before class the next day. He told me that either I had to get grasp on perspective or I needed to re-think my major and perusing an art degree. Wow, straight through the heart. Art was my passion, this is what I was going to do. I wanted to go into computer graphic design, and I loved, loved, loved art history. He suggested I order a book and practice. I did what he said and ordered a book from the bookstore about perspective. I spent many hours drawing and practicing so that I could improve. I thought I was getting better, he pulled me aside one day after class to tell me that he was sorry, but I just wasn't getting it and he asked me if I ever thought about pursuing something else. What? I did what you said old man! I get perspective just as much as the next person dammit. Plus, why do I need to draw angles on a building perfectly or draw somebody's face with all the right shapes, I am going to be designing things on the computer with a program. I liked my art, I thought it looked good and I put all my heart into it. I would consistently get Ds and Cs on all of the projects I turned in. Well, to fast forward, it discouraged me enough to quit the art program after 3 semesters. The reason why I didn't want to continue is there was 40 spots and 200 people applying to continue the major and guess who was the one that was making the ultimate decision? Yes. My crusty old professor that thinks I know nothing about perspective. I didn't have a chance. My art days were over. I sill love art, art history and design, I just don't do it as a job. I ended up quitting school and heading for Europe for a couple years. When I got back I went back to school and got my degree in Health Promotion and Education. I really like my health degree and I have been able to do lots of good with it. It is weird how we are lead to things we never thought we would want to do, it was a good fit at the time. But, when I look back I think, how crazy is it that because of somebody's perspective on my perspective I didn't get to do what I had hope to do. And then it gets me thinking about what is perspective, really? I have been told my whole life that I think differently than other people. That I have a really weird perspective on things. It has created problems. I have a different perspective on what perspective really is. Maybe instead of looking at life from the side, I look at from the bottom or the top or at a spiral. As I have gotten older, I have decided that having a different perspective on things make things much more interesting and I enjoy being unique or "weird". I am not going to apologize for it anymore. I am not going to get a book to try to teach me what I already know, but I just feel it and know it in a different way. Hmm, maybe I should go back to art school.

Spirits in the Sky

2009-09-12T13:04:00.004-07:00

These are some of my favorite pictures from The Spirits in the Sky tour taken by the lovely and talented Kristin Burns. Unfortunately, I couldn't attend any of the shows, but the videos and pictures are awesome. I love when amazing artists can collaborate and create something inspiring. Hopefully they can do it again sometime and I will be there. :)

Obsession sprinkled with OCD and spiked with paranoia

2009-09-07T12:06:00.006-07:00

I have many obsessions, it has always been this way. I obsesses and fuss and fidget over small things, big things and everything in between. I am on the verge of having OCD, and maybe I do have OCD with certain things. I don't wash my hands all the time or anything, it might get to that point. I am a perfectionist in many areas. I think about numbers, I am happy when numbers are all even or all odd. Certain phrases or words stick in my head for months. Conversations I've had with people can repeat in my head for years. So, now you know I am little crazy I will tell you my one obsession that has never wavered, my teeth. Yes, I am obsessed with my teeth, and other people's teeth. It is the first I notice about people and it is the thing that have spent the most money on, by far. I never miss a dentist appointment, I floss and brush throughout the day, I've had a few consultations with orthodontists, I've had a few bleaching trays made, I've tried every over the counter bleaching product out there, I've had Invisilign braces, I've had my teeth filed down, I wear retainers on a regular basis, I have my own dentist kit so I can scrape my teeth whenever I feel the need. And, I'm still not happy...how frustrating. I have spent my life been very conscience of my teeth, I changed the way I smiled because I didn't want people to see the one tooth that wasn't exactly were it should be. Wow, when will I ever be happy? Maybe I will never be satisfied. When I notice people with crooked teeth and they smile and laugh and they seem as though they could care less about their teeth being perfect, I wonder, why don't they care like me? I know I have problem, and I am trying not to bleach them as much and talk about my "crooked" teeth. I have other obsessions with the my physical appearance, but let's not get my started on that.

"..and I'll pull your crooked teeth...you'll be perfect just like me." ....Smashing Pumpkins

There is always hope

2009-09-01T07:07:00.003-07:00

One of my friends posted this picture on facebook and I fell in love with it. A little girl that is losing her balloon of love...or is she just reaching for it to catch it and keep it for ever. Either way, there is always hope to catch love...

My Evil Plan

2009-08-30T19:28:00.004-07:00

Congratulations on being the creator of a new
Evil Plan
Your objective is simple: World Domination.
Your motive is a little bit more complex: Love (Yes, it works)
Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first kidnap a rich and powerful ceo. This will cause the world to whisper among themselves, shocked by your arrival. Who is this sadistic fiend? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good as an evil twin/opposite?
Stage Two
Next, you must sabotoge the eiffel tower. This will all be done from a medieval castle, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will leap from the nearest window, as countless hordes of ninjas hasten to do your every bidding.
Stage Three
Finally, you must activate your secret death ray, bringing about the apocalypse. Your name shall become synonymous with fear, and no man will ever again dare call you names. Everyone will bow before your unbreakable will, and the world will have no choice but to whisper your name in fear.

Awesome! Create your evil plan at http://www.darksites.com/evilplan.php

Vampires

2009-08-14T19:21:00.002-07:00

Vampires you say? Well, I think it is the season of vampires, they are everywhere I turn. Don't get me wrong, I love vampires. Remember The Lost Boys? Hello! Who didn't want to be a vampire after they watched that show, it was so cool! Remember Interview With a Vampire? Yeah, it was the biggest thing in the world, Brad Pitt AND Tom Cruise as vampires. That is not my favorite vampire movie, but it still stuck with me. Now we have Twilight. Ok, I'm going to be nice about it because I have many, many, many friends that are in love with Edward. I just don't get it. My friend recommended the first book to me last year, she even sent it to my house because she said that I should read it, it was good she said. So, when I went on my vacation to South Africa I took it with me. I read it while I was there and I remember finishing it and thinking, what?? It was such a young teen book that I couldn't appreciate the literary integrity, was there any literary integrity? I mean yeah, I guess it was ok for a little light vampire read, but women are OBSESSED. Teens can be obsessed, but women as old as me? Say it ain't so. I just don't get it. It is like a Twi-mania that has taken over the brains of stay-at-home moms. I mean, I have friends making pilgrimages to Forks. Really. I made the the picture above for the New Moon movie that is coming soon (that I probably won't be seeing since I didn't read the book because after the first book I had NO desire to read anymore from the Stephanie Meyers colleciton.) Since a few of my friends feel the same way I do, I had to make a movie poster and send it around as a joke. Me and Edward. Allison Cullen, um, yeah...

Alice in Wonderland Trailer

2009-07-28T19:14:00.001-07:00

Shoot! All the links I keep posting are being deleted by Disney. Here try this one.

I am excited! Although, March seems a long way away.